I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
