sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
