Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
