why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
