i just had sex bonerless
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
