if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize