i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
