Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
