You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
