my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
