Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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