WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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