Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
