I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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