I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
