Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i think i just lost a toe
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
