maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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