I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
