ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When are your genitals available?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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