either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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