I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
