I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
