I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
