remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
