DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
