I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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