Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
