Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
