Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
