like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
