i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
