i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
