That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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