Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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