She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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