if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize