If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
