I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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