No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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