i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize