What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
