Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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