my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Damn victory sex feels great
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
