The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
