I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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