Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
