I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize