I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize