So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize