She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
