I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
