you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
