I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
