He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
