Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
