you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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