Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
