I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize