I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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