She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
