she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
