we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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