I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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