there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize