Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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