do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
