I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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