either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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