i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize