Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
