White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
