We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
