yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
