there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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